We continue the exploration from last week, beginning with Donald sharing a few of his experiences of being able to learn and practice when there have been differences of views and even conflicts. Then there is a review of some what we explored last week, including the importance in a functioning democracy of navigating differences of views, some of the factors making that harder in current times, and some of the practice supports for conversations when there are different views—both inner and outer (especially related to wise speech practice). We go further into exploring inner practices helpful when there are differences, including working with reactivity and difficult emotions, exploring views and options, and then the integrated inner and outer practice of cultivating empathy as a practice. The talk is followed by discussion, including several people sharing their own explorations with challenging conversations in the last week.

How do we bring our practice to challenging conversations and discussions, including there are major differences in views and positions, whether on spiritual or social-politlcal or daily life matters? This is both a perennial practice question and a particularly important one in the current times. We begin our first of two explorations inviting the participants to explore both their most successful and their most difficult or painful discussions across differences, asking about the qualities present with both. We outline first some current social conditions that make discussions with differences more challenging, while acknowledging that such discussions are at the heart of a healthy democracy. Then we explore several supports for skillful conversations when there are differences, including shared agreements (among individuals or in a group or organization), wise speech practice, the vision of the "beloved community" or universal metta, and a commitment to align means and ends. The talk is followed by discussion.

Wise speech is an integral part of the traditional Buddhist path of awakening and a powerful way to energize our daily life practice, but is often underdeveloped in Western Buddhist practice. We’ll look in a very practical way at three aspects of wise speech: (1) developing presence in the midst of communication; (2) working with the four guidelines for skillful speech developed by the Buddha; and (3) becoming more mindful of and skillful with thoughts and emotions occurring during communication. For each of the foundations, a number of ways of practicing are offered. The talk is followed by discussion.

In the final session of this series, teachers Ronya Banks and Donald Rothberg offer a number of resources that can help one navigate these times and the conflict between Israel and Palestinians. After a brief period of meditation, we offer four teachings and practices, each first explored through teachings and then briefly guided experientially: (1) the teaching of the Two Arrows and Dependent Origination pointing to the nature of reactivity--habitual and often unconscious grasping after the pleasant and pushing away the unpleasant or painful; (2) the teachings about attachment to views; (3) the cultivation of wise speech and empathy, increasingly pointing toward universal empathy and what Dr. King called the "beloved community"; and (4) practicing with difficult emotions, body states (including traumatic reactions), and thoughts. These teachings and practices are followed by a period of discussion, closing intentions, and the dedication of merit.

We begin by acknowledging the importance of Wise Speech practice, and then outline four foundations of Wise Speech that we've explored in previous talks. We then review how we can bring Wise Speech into difficult or challenging situations. The last half of the talk goes further, and explores how we can bring aspects of Wise Speech into situations of social and political polarization, including in our present time in the U.S. (and other countries). We watch two brief videos. The first is a selection from "A Force More Powerful" (a 6-part series on nonviolent action), on a moment of powerful empathic yet firm speech from Diane Nash at a critical moment in the Civil Rights movement in Nashville in 1960 (go to https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O4dDVeAU3u4&t=3082s, with the video shared going from 43:04 to 48:58). The second is a brief contemporary account of an experience of "deep canvassing" (and deep listening) by Caitlin Homrich-Kneileng in rural Michigan (go to https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=no0NzGhwobA). This is followed by discussion.

We first review four foundations of wise speech: (1) developing presence in the midst of communication; (2) working with the four guidelines for skillful speech developed by the Buddha; (3) bringing our mindfulness and skillful responses to our thoughts, emotions, and body states into our speech practice; and (4) empathy practice, tuning into others' and our own emotions and sense of "what matters." We then explore the importance of being with challenges and difficulties in our practice generally, and do two exercises exploring a difficult or challenging interaction with another, including working with an "empathy map." Discussion follows. (Materials on emotions [or feelings], needs, and an "empathy map" are given below, under "documents.")

We first focus on the importance of the practice of wise speech and then review three foundations of such practice: (1) developing presence in the midst of communication; (2) working with the four guidelines for skillful speech developed by the Buddha; and (3) integrating our practice to be mindful and skillful with thoughts, emotions, and body states with our speech practice. We then introduce a fourth foundation, empathy practice, aiming to understand and connect with another, exploring the roots of such practice in the innate capacity of empathy. We then identify a simple yet basic practice of tuning into someone's emotions and "needs" (or what matters to someone), based on the work of Nonviolent Communication (developed first by Marshall Rosenberg). A discussion follows, particularly examining bringing these practices into challenging interactions. (Materials on emotions--or feelings, needs, and an "empathy map" are given below, under "documents.")

We look first at the importance of wise speech, the way that it forms an integral part of the path of awakening, the way that it is often underdeveloped in Western Buddhist practice, for various reasons, and some of the challenges of speech. We then examine three aspects of wise speech practice: (1) developing presence in the midst of communication; (2) working with the four guidelines for skillful speech developed by the Buddha; and (3) integrating our practice to be mindful and skillful with thoughts, emotions, and body states with our speech practice. The talk is followed by discussion, focused especially on some challenging relational and speech situations.

In the context of increased political polarization in the United States and many other places, we look at how, in so many settings, whether the larger political situation, or social change organizations, or spiritual communities, there is very often a lack of skill in working with differences and conflicts. We examine some of the roots of why being with differences and conflicts is hard, including widespread social conditioning to be either conflict-avoidant or conflict-indulgent, and several other core roots. We then suggest six basic practices which address these roots, including: (1) being willing to open to and explore differences and conflicts, (2) empathy, (3) working with views, (4) working with reactivity and difficult emotions, (5) wise speech, and (6) heart practices. The invitation to listeners is to practice these six (or some of the six) for the next period of time!

We focus, in the context of difficult or challenging communication, on the integration of individual, inner practice and skillful speaking. After a review of eight general guidelines for skillful speech and how we do inner practice related to, but separate from, such challenging communication, we look at ways to bring inner practice in speaking and relating. We also focus on several more "outer" skillful ways of speaking to bring about mutual understanding, including using relatively neutral observations free of interpretations, and cultivating the practice of empathy. We then look at how to integrate more inner and more outer dimensions of practice in the context of several challenging situations.

We review eight important capacities that help us to be skillful in difficult and challenging situations involving speech and communication. We then continue to explore how we might combine more "inner" and more "outer" responses, here focusing especially on "inner work" with difficult emotions (we look at working with anger and fear), thoughts and narratives (we look particularly at those connected with the judgmental mind), and body states. A discussion follows the talk.

After a brief review of the foundations of wise speech and the eight guidelines for skillful speech when there are difficult or challenging situations, we explore the connection of inner practices with such situations. We look at two dimensions of such practice: (1) looking at and transforming conditioning that makes it hard to engage in such situations, such as related to negative views about conflict and anger, and discerning when there is spiritual bypassing in relationship to difficulties; and (2) bringing mindfulness, inquiry, and investigation to difficult emotions such as anger, fear, sadness, etc.,and to thoughts and narratives (especially generated by the judgmental mind). We will continue this exploration, including of difficult body states, next time..

After reviewing three foundations of Wise Speech--the four ethical guidelines for skillful speech, presence and mindfulness during speech, and the practice of empathy--we explore, on the basis of these foundations, how to be skillful during difficult or challenging situations of speech and communication, whether involving two individuals, a group, or a larger society. We identify eight perspectives, practices, and capacities that support skillful speech during such difficult situations.

After a brief review of the previous talks in this series, and a clarification of the different dimensions of our practice, we continue to explore the foundation given last time--empathy practice and the intention to understand and connect with another. We work with two brief exercises which point to ways of practicing empathy. Then we examine the four guidelines for wise or skillful speech given by the Buddha--for our speech and communication to be truthful, helpful, kind and loving (even when saying difficult things), and timely.

We start with a brief review of the three previous talks on deepening practice during the pandemic (and other crises), including clarifying three broad areas of practice: Formal meditation practice, daily life practice, and work, service, and/or activism as practice. In this session, we explore the foundations of Wise Speech as practice, mentioning three foundations. The first two include (1) the ethical guidelines given by the Buddha regarding skillful speech, and (2) developing presence and mindfulness during speech (including listening). We focus most of the time on the third foundation of cultivating empathic connection with another, clarifying the difference between empathy and compassion, giving some of the findings of studies in neuroscience about empathy, and examining what blocks empathy. We then work with a simple (yet powerful) empathy practice of tuning into (1) emotions, and (2) what matters, and move into a period of discussion.

Description:We review first why speech practice is so important and how it connects with the Noble Eightfold Path, and then two of the foundations of skillful or wise (or right) speech. We cover: (1) working with the four guidelines from the Buddha for wise speech, and how we can use the guidelines both to guide our speech and as spurs for mindfulness, when we find ourselves going against the guidelines; and (2) developing a sense of presence during speaking and listening. We then explore some general ways to strengthen our speech practice, as well as begin to bring it into challenging or difficult situations involving speech and interaction. We end with a speech exercise involving dyads, and discussion of the exercise and our practice generally.

We start with an overview of the contemporary importance of training in wise speech, and the place of wise (or "right") speech traditionally, as one of the factors of the Noble Eightfold Path of the Buddha. We then examine two foundational aspects of wise speech, first a grounding in the ethical guidelines for speech given by the Buddha, and secondly the intention to be present and mindful during speaking and listening. Finally, there is a guided practice in dyads especially of the second foundational dimension of speech practice.

In this introduction to a daylong on Wise (or "Right") Speech, there is a focus on the importance of Wise Speech for our practice and on the core ethical guidelines for wise and skillful speech given by the Buddha.

We explore (1) the importance of speech practice, (2) the place of speech practice in traditional and contemporary paths of awakening, (3) the central resource from the teachings of the Buddha on speech practice--the four core ethical guidelines, and (4) some ways to implement these guidelines and connect them with other practices.

Integrating Inner and Outer Awareness During Speaking -- Talk, Exercise, and Discussion

Overview of Wise Speech Practice and the Buddha's Wise Speech Ethical Guidelines -- Talk, Exercise, and Discussion

We continue with our exploration of ethical practice, set in the context of the overall training to awaken. We focus in this first session on Fourth Precept ("Right" or "Wise" Speech) on the four core ethical guidelines for speech (truthfulness, helpfulness, speaking from the heart, and good timing/appropriateness of the speech), in the context of the general importance of speech practice, suggesting a number of ways of practicing.

We explore the importance of speech practice, its place ijn the path of awakening, the four ethical and behavioral guidelines for "right": or "wise" speech, and ways of developing mindfulness in spech practice

This is the first segment of a daylong on cultivating wise or "right" speech, including when there are difficult speech situations. There is a general introduction to speech and communication practice and an overview of the basic guidelines for speech given by the Buddha.

We begin with a review of what was covered in Part I (July 10, 2011), covering the importance of speech practice, the basics of Wise (or “Right”) Speech practice, what this practice looks like in the context of small groups, and the basics of how to approach speech practice in challenging situations. We then bring in new materials, using short presentations and exercises, that expand our capacities to respond skillfully in challenging situations. We first examine how to direct mindful attention to emotions and underlying interests or values both in ourselves and in others (using some of the models from Nonviolent Communication and the Harvard Negotiation Project on "Difficult Conversations"). We also bring attention to our stories and narratives, using the model of the "Ladder of Inference" to help clarify how we often go very quickly to stories (particularly self-centered ones, often way beyond the "data") in challenging situations. We then develop further our capacities to use these tools and perspectives in situations in which we are triggered, and to respond more skillfully.

KALYANA MITTA (KM) GROUPS Workshop held Sun, Jul 10, 1:30 – 4:30 at the Insight Meditation Community of Berkeley for current and prospective facilitators or hosts of KM groups with Spirit Rock teacher Donald Rothberg and Dawn Neal. The focus was on Wise Speech in the context of small groups, and how to address challenging situations.

We explore (1) the importance of speech practice; (2) its place in the path of awakening; (3) the nature of awakening and the path to awakening; and (4) the specific teachings on speech from the Buddha, particularly on the four ethical guidelines of truthfulness, helpfulness, kindness, and appropriateness.

We conclude our six sessions on wise speech by focusing on perspectives, practices and guidelines that help us be more skillful with difficult speech situations. The talk is followed by a guided exercise and discussion.

We complete examination of the model of Non-Violent Communication, with a focus on applying the model to difficult situations.

In the context of wise speech practice, we continue to explore being aware of feelings and needs and introduce skillful ways to identify "how things are" through "observations."

We explore nonviolent communication as a refinement of mindfulness, focusing particularly on 'needs' (what matters) and feelings (or emotions)

After a review of last time, of the importance of speech practice and the ethical guidelines for wise speech, we explore two ways of cultivating mindfulness in our speech, concluding with an exercise to cultivate inner and outer attention at the same time.

A discussion of the importance of speech practice and of the four ethical guidelines for wise speech, inviting initial practice of cultivating wise speech.

What resources and perspectives help us to practice wise speech when the conditions are difficult? We focus especially on developing a strong "container" (both internal and in the community), and on learning better to work with difficult thoughts and emotions, in the context of speech, giving a number of stories and examples.

In cultivating wise speech, we train in many capacities. Among them is training to listen and speak with an open, loving heart. We explore the nature of the open heart and training in lovingkindness. We then examine what it means to listen, both generally and in speech, and what it means to speak from the heart, including reflection on some typical distortions of such speech.

For this retreat on wise speech, mindfulness, and non-violent communication, we begin with examining the place of wise (or "right") speech in the Eightfold Path, and how it is linked to training and development in wisdom, ethics, and meditation. We then reflect on the importance for this path of speech, and the four ethical guidelines for speech given by the Buddha: (1) truthfulness, (2) helpfulness, (3) warmth/kindness, and (4) appropriateness.